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HORACE HORRISE WANTS TO BE A SCOUT

BOOK ONE

Published: 1st March 2017


Horace Horrise lives in Chislehurst, Kent where he’s a very busy young man, too busy to be a scout. One night when he’s looking up at the stars he fleetingly wonders about becoming a spaceman when he’s older. He decides that soon he will need to start preparing for whatever he’s going to choose to do in life.


Horace’s best friend Charlie tells him that most astronauts have been scouts so what better initial preparation than to become a scout? The only problem is that there appear to be no vacancies in his local troop. He even takes to prayer in his attempts to get a place!


Horace keeps his hopes alive during the long wait by helping Charlie to build a periscope, a project that Charlie started in cubs but hadn’t finished. It’s when Horace tries to source some materials in order to make his own periscope that things start to go wrong.


Horace fails to realise that in his quest for periscope perfection he inadvertently helps rekindle his parent’s relationship with each other whilst learning things about them that he did not previously know.


Eventually Horace succeeds in getting his hands on a periscope and makes a very surprising discovery.


"Horace Horrise wants to be a Scout" is the first in a series of nine stories that make up "The Adventures of Horace Horrise", the 21st century’s answer to Richmal Crompton’s "Just William".


This edition is not suitable for younger children.

 

HORACE HORRISE GETS LOST

BOOK TWO

Published: 1st June 2017


Horace Horrise lives in Chislehurst, an affluent village in Kent where it’s difficult to get into any after-school club because every parent worth their weight will have signed their offspring up for everything, and scouts is no exception.


Unbeknown to Horace, someone has been pulling a few strings, and before too long he’s on his way to his first scout meeting. His mother is grateful that Horace offers to take himself up the road by himself and so she settles down with a magazine and glass of wine to welcome in the weekend.


However, Mrs Horrise is soon to regret putting her own needs above those of her younger son. For whilst she is relaxing at home with her husband, Horace is already “doing his best” before he even reaches the scout hut. In fact, he takes so long to arrive, having been called upon to assist a couple of needy groups, that when he does finally come within sight of the scout hut he sees something that fills him with fear and confusion. He has to get away as quickly as he can and so he does, but in running from the scene he makes a foreseeable situation much, much worse.


Soon a quiet Friday night in Chislehurst is awoken by a wail of sirens as the emergency services struggle to find Horace before it’s too late. Horace’s parents are beside themselves with worry, but who gets to Horace first?


Horace Horrise gets Lost is the second in a series of nine stories that make up The Adventures of Horace Horrise, the 21st century’s answer to Richmal Crompton’s Just William.

 

HORACE HORRISE THROWS A PARTY...

BOOK THREE

Published: 1st September 2017


Book 3 has the "World's Longest Book Title published in the UK".


Horace Horrise, the UK’s funniest and naughtiest young person, finally makes it to his first scout meeting and forms an immediate alliance with his fellow scouters that are in Ravens patrol. He returns home and tells his mother about all of the interesting activities that he has been participating in, including working towards his smallholders’ badge.


Mrs Horrise makes an unguarded comment about how she would like to have a more productive garden and Horace decides that he is the person for the job. He sets about enlisting the Ravens and a few adults, some of whose acquaintance he has already made, in order that he might transform his mother’s outdoor space whilst she is away.


Unbeknown to Horace, the weekend that he picks for his “transformational gardening” project is the same one that his mother has decided upon for a surprise fiftieth birthday party for her husband. Before long the two competing interests for the use of the Horrise back garden come together.


Disaster is imminent but at the eleventh hour Horace hatches a desperate plan in order to save not only his skin but also his parents’ impending humiliation in front of their invited guests.


Horace is desperate to do his best but does he save the day or does the Horrise name become the laughing stock of Chislehurst?


This book is the third in a series of nine stories that make up The Adventures of Horace Horrise, the 21st century’s answer to Richmal Crompton’s Just William.


The full title is "Horace Horrise throws a party, or Horace Horrise and Charlie, or Horace Horrise and his newly ironed scout shirt, or Horace Horrise and his second-hand activity trousers, or Horace Horrise and the mysterious dollar sign, or Horace Horrise  gets grounded for a week, or Horace Horrise and The Grand Old Duke of York, or Horace Horrise and the locked gate, or Horace Horrise and the blue rope, or Horace Horrise and the lashing, or Horace Horrise finds his way to the scout hut, or Horace Horrise and the kangaroos, or Horace Horrise tries to make it up to his parents, or Horace Horrise is not left on his own, or Horace Horrise and the allotments, or Horace Horrise makes a friend, or Horace Horrise makes some new friends, or Horace Horrise gets into more trouble, or Horace Horrise runs amok in Chislehurst, or Horace Horrise and The Lion’s Head, or Horace Horrise the lion tamer, or Horace Horrise and Eric the kangaroo, or Horace Horrise rides in Eric’s pouch, or Daddy kangaroos don’t have pouches, or Horace Horrise gets shortened, or Horace Horrise eats kangaroo at The Lion’s Head, or Horace Horrise and the bouncing kangaroos, or Kangaroos don’t have wings, or Horace Horrise and his smart scout leader, or Horace Horrise the timekeeper, or Horace Horrise is Badhorace, or Horace Horrise and 3rd Chislehurst Scout Group, or Horace Horrise with soap and water, or Horace Horrise and no diversions, or Horace Horrise and the kangaroo patrols, or Horace Horrise sticks with the birds, or Horace Horrise the chief fundraiser, or Horace Horrise the Raven, or Horace Horrise the Ravings, or Horace Horrise meets Edward, Melanie and Archie, or Horace Horrise meets the Peckers, or Horace Horrise and his favourite things, or Horace Horrise goes red and the scouts fall silent, or Raving Horace Horrise arrives, or Horace Horrise and his anxious mother, or Charlie brings Horace Horrise home, or Horace Horrise and the slice of Victoria sponge, or Horace Horrise doesn’t need bribing, or Horace Horrise demolished the cake, or Horace Horrise is getting invested, or Horace Horrise gets back in one piece, or Horace Horrise and the smallholder badge, or Horace Horrise grants his mother’s wish, or Horace Horrise and the secret potatoes, or Horace Horrise and the broken mirror confession, or Horace Horrise for one night only, or Horace Horrise and the fiftieth birthday celebrations, or Horace Horrise and the churchyard, or Horace Horrise and the Scout Promise, or Horace Horrise and squash, buns and cake, or Horace Horrise and the daffodil bulbs, or Horace Horrise digs up a body, or Horace Horrise and the escaping bodies, or Horace Horrise and the worms, or Horace Horrise and Arnold John Grieve, or Horace Horrise doesn’t get in first, or Horace Horrise and the first fairy cake, or Horace Horrise and the graves of the famous and infamous, or Horace Horrise and a Member of Parliament, a poet and a world record breaker, or Horace Horrise and any questions, or Horace Horrise and knock, knock, knock, or Horace Horrise and the mourners, or Horace Horrise and manual work, or Horace Horrise helps the church people, or Horace Horrise and his worm diet, or Horace Horrise and the potatoes and pumpkin, or Horace Horrise and the trap, or Horace Horrise plays it safe, or Horace Horrise looks for Vera, or Horace Horrise and the bean spiller, or Horace Horrise and the feminist, or Horace Horrise and the smart summer dress, or Horace Horrise and Edward’s pressing question, or Horace Horrise and his frenzied imagination, or Horace Horrise and the community projects, or Horace Horrise with the old men and their plots, or Horace Horrise and the lazy men, or Horace Horrise and the bindweed, or Horace Horrise and the turd trailer, or Horace Horrise and the horse manure, or Horace Horrise and the kangaroo talk, or Horace Horrise and the manure spreaders, or Horace Horrise and the black sacks, or Horace Horrise and the mole invasion, or Horace Horrise and the two doughnuts, or Horace Horrise and the spoilsports, or Horace Horrise and the triple chocolate doughnut, or Horace Horrise and the farming and livestock, or Horace Horrise and the cats, dogs and rabbits, or Horace Horrise bee hives, or Horace Horrise is offended, or Horace Horrise works like a Trojan, or Horace Horrise and the Rhode Island Red, or Horace Horrise and Albert the cockerel, or Horace Horrise and the honeycomb and honey, or Horace Horrise and the small matter, or Horace Horrise and his disappearing brother, or Horace Horrise and the chips and ice cream, or Horace Horrise and the garden lawn, or Horace Horrise and two hundred turves, or Horace Horrise and the memorial garden, or Horace Horrise and the Champagne, or Horace Horrise and the quick sandwich, or Horace Horrise and the out of tune adults, or Horace Horrise and the bamboo sticks, or Horace Horrise and the garden machinery, or Horace Horrise and the rotavators, or Horace Horrise and the hermit crab, or Horace Horrise and the runner beans, or Horace Horrise and the broken glasses, or Horace Horrise and the cup and ball game, or Horace Horrise and the six roosters, or Horace Horrise and the periscope, or Horace Horrise and the transformational gardening, or Horace Horrise and the beer barrel, or Horace Horrise and his brother’s cooking, or Horace Horrise and the early breakfast, or Horace Horrise and Zen, or Horace Horrise and the huge hammer, or Horace Horrise and Chislehurst Marquees, or Horace Horrise meets Billy and Webbo, or Horace Horrise and Mammoth, or Horace Horrise and the molten mud, or Horace Horrise and the milky sangria, or Horace Horrise and the camomile and spiced apple with cinnamon, or Horace Horrise and the four teaspoonfuls, or Horace Horrise and the generous donation, or Horace Horrise and the churchwarden, or Horace Horrise and the peach schnapps, or Horace Horrise and the laundry basket, or Horace Horrise and the hose, or Horace Horrise and the rocket, or Horace Horrise and Chislehurst Catering, or Horace Horrise and Chislehurst String Quartet, or Horace Horrise and Old Elthamian’s mud bath, or Horace Horrise goes as white as a sheet, or Horace Horrise and Edgar Fripp, or Horace Horrise writes a letter, or Horace Horrise and Chesney Golf Club, or Horace Horrise and the happy birthday, or Horace Horrise and Bert’s Sloe Gin, or Horace Horrise and the four black bags, or Horace Horrise and Great Uncle Stanley, or Horace Horrise and the bondaged geriatric punk, or Horace Horrise and Auntie May, or Horace Horrise and the wedding cake, or Horace Horrise and the grass seed, or Horace Horrise and the car park in his road, or Horace Horrise and the Organising Abilities activity badge, or Horace Horrise gets prepared, or Horace Horrise gets nearer to being invested, or Horace Horrise comes up smelling of roses once again."

 

HORACE HORRISE GOES NARROWBOATING

BOOK FOUR

Published: 1st December 2017


Horace Horrise is the UK's funniest, liveliest and naughtiest young person, with grown-up stories for grown-up kids about a kid who thinks he's grown up!


Horace is dismayed to learn that he has not been signed up for the forthcoming narrowboat trip and is going to be left at home whilst the rest of the Ravens have a weekend messing about on the water.


Not to be outdone, "Horrise" plans his own adventure. The problem is, not everyone knows about it which means only one thing - chaos!


Horace Horrise goes Narrowboating is the fourth in a series of nine stories that make up The Adventures of Horace Horrise, the 21st century’s answer to Richmal Crompton’s Just William.

 

HORACE HORRISE'S GRANDAD GETS A HAIRCUT

BOOK FIVE

Published: 1st March 2018


Double trouble with Horace Horrise - the UK's funniest, liveliest and naughtiest young person, with grown-up stories for grown-up kids about a kid who thinks he's grown up - but isn’t - AND his grandad!

Horace’s grandad has come to stay for the weekend and neither is too impressed - grandad because he has been dragged away from his care home and Horace because his parents have arranged to go out for the day leaving Horace in charge.

All Horace has to do is take grandad for a haircut but, as usual, things aren’t that simple. Soon grandad has grandson under his spell as he celebrates his temporary freedom with a day of mayhem and madness.

However, not all is as it seems. For grandad has something up his sleeve, or in his wheelchair’s pannier bag to be precise, that will result in a major upheaval that no one - other than grandad of course - could have envisaged being the result of his mini-break.

Horace Horrise’s Grandad gets a Haircut is the fifth in a series of nine stories that make up The Adventures of Horace Horrise, the 21st century’s answer to Richmal Crompton’s Just William.

 

HORACE HORRISE GOES TO CHURCH

BOOK SIX

Published: 28th June 2018


Horace Horrise is the UK's funniest, liveliest and naughtiest young person, with grown-up stories for grown-up kids (and kids) about an eleven-year-old who thinks he's grown up - but isn’t!


Horace doesn’t do church. He’s watched Songs of Praise on the television and he has been to the occasional Christmas service and come away with a chocolate Santa so his view of what goes on normally might be somewhat skewed.


He’s not looking forward to the obligatory annual church parade but decides that as he has to attend he’s going to get as much out of it as he can. However, as usual, things don’t go quite as he has planned and in trying to do his best finds himself in the company of some individuals who appear to be bent on taking advantage of him.


Horace turns to the vicar for help but matters seem to be going from bad to worse until a turn of events puts Horace on the front page almost literally.


Horace Horrise goes to Church is the sixth in a series of nine stories that make up The Adventures of Horace Horrise, the 21st century’s answer to Richmal Crompton’s Just William.

 

HORACE HORRISE CATCHES A SHOPLIFTER

BOOK SEVEN

Published: 16th November 2018


Horace Horrise is the UK's funniest, liveliest and naughtiest young person, with grown-up stories for grown-up kids (and kids) about an eleven-year-old who thinks he's grown up - but isn’t!


Horace has to help with a spot of fundraising in order to buy a new troop tent and a day's bag packing has been arranged at the local supermarket. Horace can think of nothing worse and plans to have a phantom illness on the morning in question but then he's told that the one who raises the most money gets to keep some of it. So he's converted.


Horace and his best friend Charlie take up their positions at the checkout and begin to charm the shoppers into parting with some cash - each time giving a spurious reason that has nothing to do with tents. However, some shoppers aren't what they seem and before long the pair have another agenda, albeit inadvertent, that of rounding up those whose reason for their supermarket visit is less than honest.


Horace and Charlie are on course for minor celebrity status in the village, but in their quest to win the fundraising competition, take on one shopper too many. Soon after the results are announced they find that they are to miss out on a rewarding day out with the rest of their pals and instead are left behind on an activity that makes bag packing seem positively riveting. But who found them out and what did they do?



Horace Horrise catches a Shoplifter is the seventh in a series of nine stories that make up The Adventures of Horace Horrise, the 21st century’s answer to Richmal Crompton’s Just William.

 

HORACE HORRISE AND THE RICKSHAW

BOOK EIGHT

Published: 27th March 2019


Horace Horrise is the UK's funniest, liveliest and naughtiest young person, with grown-up stories for grown-up kids (and kids) about an eleven-year-old who thinks he's grown up - but isn’t!


Horace has been drawn into a breakfast-time discussion about work / life balance and is ably assisted by his siblings as they join the breakfast table with what turns into a philosophical debate. His mother inadvertently adds to the discussion even though she's gone shopping.


The conversation continues, albeit at a more superficial level, with the Ravens. This leads to Horace thinking that he has possibly found the answer to his father's dilemma in getting to the railway station in the morning and as a consequence presses the family's old rickshaw bicycle attachment back into service.


After a trial run across the road and then to the nearest town Horace is called upon to undertake a much longer journey. His passenger is in a great hurry to get to work but his unusual mode of transport gives him time to take stock of where he is going in his life and eventually he makes a surprising decision.


However, what is the more surprising is who exactly this passenger actually is. By chance Horace makes a very profitable discovery.


Horace Horrise and the Rickshaw is the eighth in a series of nine stories that make up The Adventures of Horace Horrise, the 21st century’s answer to Richmal Crompton’s Just William.

 

HORACE HORRISE GETS INVESTED

BOOK NINE

Published: 2nd September 2019

Horace finally receives the good news that he's been waiting for but as the big day draws ever closer Horace becomes more and more nervous and fears that his investiture will be farce not festival.

At the eleventh hour Horace takes solace in his grandad's comforter which sends him on a journey that has the potential to undo all that Horace has been working towards over the past year


 

THE ADVENTURES OF HORACE HORRISE COLLECTION

BOOKS ONE to NINE

Published: 13th August 2019